I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
