we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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