we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
