Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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