She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
