clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
