omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
