dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize