Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize