If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize