I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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