can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
