Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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