Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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