Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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