I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
