We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
