I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
