On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
