Need sex. Gaining weight.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
