Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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