The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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