I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
