you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
