9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
