I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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