Got a toothbrush?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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