I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Randomize
