The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
