dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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