i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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