i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Less talking, more tequila
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
