I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
