So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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