I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
