he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
