If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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