My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do vagina's smell?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
