so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
there is glitter all over my balls
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