i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
