It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
