You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
