I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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