can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
