Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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