Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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