Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
