I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
