I'm drive I can fine osifer
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
