Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
