He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
