apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
