How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
