Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
