do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
