smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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