She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
