So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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