I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
