Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i now understand why vodka
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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