You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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