i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You are the jesus of drinking
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
