Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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