I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize