Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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