So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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