Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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