Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
