I've blown a few things in my day
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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