I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am available for nakedness
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
