i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They are going to name an STD after you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
