Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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