I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
