i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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