i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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