i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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