I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
