Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
