I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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