I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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