he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
