You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
