somebody snuck up and got me drunk
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
