I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
