only if we run a train.
done.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
