So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
