Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
