Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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