Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
